06.18.06
“Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty four?…” John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Well, there we were settling in to life in California aware that in a short 5 months or so we would be new parents. X had proposed to me before leaving San Francisco. We didn’t really want to marry, but my family was pretty upset about the whole situation. I had, after all, told them the news in a postcard. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I guess I thought they would be thrilled at having their young, unmarried daughter living all the way on the other side of the country expecting their first grandchild with an even younger man who they really didn’t like. Anyway, when I finally called home a week or two after the arrival of the postcard, my mother sputtered something about the mailman being able to read that I was not only pregnant but wasn’t planning to get married, and then sputtered something else about disowning me and hung up. X decided that it actually made the most sense to go ahead and please everyone, so he got down on one knee, laughed so hard that he fell over, got back up on that same knee, fell over again, tried the other knee and finally got the words out, haltingly and punctuated by laughter, “Will you marry me?” I immediately said, “NO!” I finally caved in and agreed. Now it was time to start planning the wedding. We went to a pawn shop and picked out my ring, then to St. Vincent DePaul to pick up a set of tails for X’s outfit. I found a pink Indian dress with blue embroidery. We invited everyone from the Estates, the commune within the commune at Project One (see May 12th & 16th). Now we had to decide on the date, find a minister, a place for the ceremony and the reception/party, and send out announcements. We picked April 5th - not much time for details.
We started looking for a minister and found the County Pastor, Rev. Whale. He was in his mid-70s and was thrilled to be asked. He had never done a wedding before. He mostly did last rites and counseling in prisons. He was so excited and kept calling to check in with us. He always mispronounced X’s name. It was Cavanaugh, pronounced with the accent on the 1st syllable, CA-van-augh. He always said, “ca-VA-nah” (like banana). No matter how many times we corrected him, he always got it wrong. It became a huge inside joke. We decided to get married on the beach where the San Lorenzo River met the Monterey Bay and the Monterey Bay met the Pacific Ocean. We also planned to get married at sunrise on the beach, forgetting that we were now on the west coast where the sun set on the beach. We settled on mid-morning. Sunset didn’t have the same feel for a wedding. We never thought to check out the site or get a permit. Who would stop us? Our reception/party was going to be at Bonnie Dune Beach, a nude beach at the foot of some cliffs. I also decided to change my name. I never liked my last name and had wanted to change it anyway. I liked this one, and it was very convenient.
The night before the wedding, our friends all arrived and helped cook the food. We partied most of the night, and woke up in the morning to torrential rain. Rev. Whale called bright and early to try to talk us into “canceling” the wedding, to which X replied, “Just be there! The rain will stop. I have faith.” We all left for the beach in the still pouring rain, but as we pulled up at the chosen spot, the sky cleared and the sun came out. Rev. Whale and his wife were there right behind us. As we walked up to the beach entrance, which was through the amusement park, we found the gates locked. Oh no, what should we do now? X had a brilliant idea. He suggested we hike down the Railroad tracks and slide down the dune. Rev. and Mrs. Whale were game, so off we went. The Rev. kept making jokes about marrying us on the Roller Coaster, which I would have loved and never even blinked an eye as we slide he and his wife down the dune to the water’s edge. Since it had been raining so hard, we were the only ones on the beach, except for some seagulls. I will try to scan and post a picture later. A friend played beautiful flute music during the ceremony bringing more birds in even closer. At the end of the ceremony, Rev. Whale declared, “And now I’d like to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Ca-Va-na (pronounced like banana). He looked very puzzled as everyone laughed loud and long. As soon as we reached the cars, the sky opened up again, so the party was at our apartment. We had way too much food, way too many refreshments of a wide variety, and everyone passed out by noon only to wake back up and party again in cycles until after dark. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, and the only furniture we had was a bed, two lamps and some crates, so a friend loaned us his stereo for the weekend.
We were so burned out the next day, that we had the biggest fight we had ever had so far. We were on our way to a free jazz concert in a little school auditorium and ended up screaming at each other out on the sidewalk. We paused long enough to hear the concert then started up again on the way to the grocery store. There was a group of activists organizing Home Care workers outside the store. We were so heated up and unthinking, we ended up joining this organization, not realizing what it even was we were joining. I guess it should have been a warning of what was to come.